A youth pastor myself with Molly, back when we didn't question it as much, there was one principal we lived out, above all others. That was, that we would always work in collaboration with, NOT AGAINST the parents with pro-family, open-book, honesty. We always worked as "an outside influence to reinforce the truth" (Biblical truth) that parents worked so hard to instill in their children. We still place this at the top of our priority list today. That means sometimes we are educating parents, and parents are sometimes educating each other. And I do believe that if you can't deal with the whole family, and don't have one yourself, how can you really be worthy of the title "Pastor" anyway? This is Basic Bible 101. In fact, if possible, our goal back then was to try to work ourselves out of the position of 'youth pastor', as we didn't like the segregation of family much already, and we recognized that we didn't even have a family ourselves yet... ha! So we constantly challenged parents to be more involved.
We continue to become more and more experienced in working with families seven days a week. We work with ages 3 and up, to our oldest 86-year-old, from all walks of life, different religions, occupations etc. One thing that is more and more clear to us is that big brother, 18-year-old, is the one that 8-year-old little bro looks up to the most. 18-year-old big brother/sister is the one that should be right there looking after 8-year-old little brother, along with the rest of the family, together. Dad is the most precious man, and Mom the most precious lady. And then there's the senior citizens, usually in their own classroom at the other end of the church, or at the retirement center, doing their own thing, when they should be the most important influence of all, to every age.
There are so many other points to be made as reasons for keeping families together in the church schedule. People have so little time as it is, that just throwing in a cell group meeting once a week on top of the busy schedule that the church already demands, ends up becoming more of a hindrance to our personal relationship with God, than a help. Something I have heard too many times and from very responsible people is... "Are you kidding? I can barely keep up with the weekly church schedule on a daily basis...let alone have a family daily devotion as well!" It's so unfortunate that we have moved so far away from "God's Original Design" for church that it has actually effected our individual personal walks with God negatively.
If the church did understand and promote the value of cross-generational influence as a priority in their purpose statement, curriculum, and activities, one thing is sure... "We as a church would be spending a lot less time fixing dysfunction, and a lot more time doing the proactive "work of the ministry". I realize that a lot of dysfunction comes from our sin nature, but I also know that it comes from a Biblical misinterpretation of what the proper priorities in church should be. These priorities are seen most in how many classrooms we have and what activities we are promoting the most, etc.. This is a pastoral leadership problem! The tragedy we must all be careful to avoid is that... so many people, even leaders, sacrifice a lifetime completely committed to, sold out to, and willing to die for, what they believe is the truth only to find out in the end that in fact, what they lived for was a lie. Bummer! The devil is crafty that way. It is called 'counterfeit'. Well I say its never to late to change, right?! :)))
It's true, the standard perception among believers, today, is that churches are good only if they are segregated like a public school and have a huge youth program, elementary program, college, preschool, or adult program :(((. Family segregation is normal in the one place that it shouldn't be... God's church. The devil is saying ... "divide the family and conquer". Just another reason of course, why homeschooling has become so important. When we educate at home as families, age segregation does not happen. There is also the fact that 'bad company' influence (negative peer pressure) does not have a chance in the controlled environment of home, and it shouldn't in the church either. All this is a whole other conversation we could go on with for a while, itself. :)))
And considering the topic of youth, I think that the modernization of scriptural interpretation to fit our youth language and culture today has become so important that it is the priority. "Mom, Dad, your too old-fashioned, let us work with your children... we know them better and can better help them with their needs. After all, in order to popularize Christianity among the youth of today, we've got to be more modern/flexible." So some of the words we hear now out of our Christian teen's mouth include F-bombs or the new word is frick? :( But that's OK, they will grow out of it in time right? (I have even witnessed this from student leadership in churches and Christian schools.) :O
Have you ever heard the statement, "We have a new way of looking at the Bible... It's called... through the eyes of youth!" ? While I do understand the point that is trying to be made here, the fact is, THE TRUTH OF THE SCRIPTURES DOES NOT CHANGE, REGARDLESS OF WHAT EYES YOU ARE LOOKING THROUGH! Huh.
In regards to those we call "youth pastors" who are filling the leadership positions for college-age and down... while I know there are some great people doing the job, the title itself is the beginning of the mistake of pulling families apart. A better title of "Family Pastor", is a huge move back to family integration. I've noticed some churches are doing that.
In regards to those we call "youth pastors" who are filling the leadership positions for college-age and down... while I know there are some great people doing the job, the title itself is the beginning of the mistake of pulling families apart. A better title of "Family Pastor", is a huge move back to family integration. I've noticed some churches are doing that.
Nowadays, I can't say I like much what some youth pastors are preaching either, with their big group meetings and pro-segregation, anti-parent sentiment. Some are not really reinforcing parents' Biblical rights and position in the lives of children and youth at all. They have a "get with the times" attitude. I will never forget how one 15-year-old youth responded to me when I told him to stop telling his mom to shut up. He said, "my youth pastor told me, don't let anyone look down on me just because I am a youth, so don't you tell me what to do". I laughed and told him he needed to have his youth pastor read the rest of the verse "but show yourself an example... of speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity" (1 Tim. 4:12). :))) What a perfect example of a major leadership miscommunication snaffoo! It happens, I know, nobody's perfect, but a youth student leader? hmmm.
How many youth pastors have even raised a family of their own... or are older than twenty-five... fresh out of Bible college or no college at all??? Voluntary new converts? Most often, the thing churches look for in a youth pastor is that they identify with the kids and have a lot of fun. Popularity, personality, activities-that-draw-crowds-of-students, are job description standards.
And what do we expect from a youth pastor anyway? The most important part of a youth pastor's job description is HOW MANY YOUTH can you entertain? "Want to keep your job, you better not drop below 150 students." Numbers keep the youth pastor's job because it keeps the parents happy, and the parents have the money. Can't blame the youth pastor when that's all he knows because that is what his leadership/training dictates. I think it's time to legislate "family pastor" sentiment in our churches... youth pastors could be great family pastors in training, don't ya think?
Was talking to a student the other day that thought the speaker at a weekend event was the best one around. I asked why. The student said "because he draws a huge crowd". :))) I asked, "what about his message influenced you the most"? The student responded with "I don't know. I think its just that he is so funny." And that sounds about like the natural standard that youth will look for if they are not being taught otherwise, right? It is all about entertainment. That is the way we are when we are young. As a result, young people are living their Christian teenage lives in dysfunction and everyone is asking why, as they run further and further from their families to spend more and more time with their "age group". It is perpetual chaos that can only be stopped by bringing them back to their families, together with God.
This is why youth need their parents to continue to train them up and help them see what they really need. Christian parents, we know our children best, right?! Help them see the priority of this discipline of family in a way that goes right into their adult lives, marriages and families, forever. Entertainment is great, I love it myself, but as a pastor, we are there to spiritually mentor and shepherd the whole family together. We have got to desegregate families across the board, somehow, some way. To leave it to "what's popular with the kids" is not the answer, as we know from our own experiences growing up.
But as I made the suggestion to the Christian moms in the conversation I introduced this blog with, that they should get rid of the youth pastor, one of them retorted, "What would we do without a youth pastor?" We all kinda chuckled and I remember my thought at the moment was, "actually, the church would be a lot better off. :))) Christian parents would be a lot less lazy, more active... marriages would thrive and the family would be a lot stronger in such a way as to impact society as a whole." What I actually said out loud was, "Why not get together with like-minded parents and put together 'EVENT-FOCUSED ACTIVITIES', that put us all together integrated, achieving our goal of cross-generational influence, without having to leave our various churches we are all committed to, or trying to challenge church leadership."
Continue going to the place God has called you to (your church), do the activities you are cool with there, and as you run into other parents that see the same family integration need, same church or not, replace a couple church activities and come together moms and dads outside your churches. Have a little tag prayer, maybe sing a song or two, little memorization and off to an event ya' go. I know I am not suggesting a new idea, just restating something that many churches are already doing, but many need to be reminded of, because it's not the hot thing. But it is "THE BEST THING!" :))) And while cell groups are awesome Bible studies, they are not an adequate substitute for what I am talking about.
Be faithful to your church, but come together with other families that do not want to be segregated. Do more cross-generational full-family, EVENT-FOCUSED ACTIVITIES, that are just awesome innocent times together. Good company enhances good morals. The important thing is that something needs to be done to make it happen more frequently in the churches, sooner rather than later. Segregated is fine and necessary periodically, it just needs to be the exception rather than the rule, should be less rather than more. Who knows, maybe you will come together and plant a church where everyone is family-focused, according to scripture?
So here we go like-minded parents... somebody organize it... who cares who. Take turns, don't be a sour puss... cross-generational influence, family-integrated, EVENT-FOCUSED ACTIVITIES... don't lose the vision. Make it a priority. You don't have to leave your churches. Notice the need, be there! Just do it! Not representing any denominations, just families and God, and a family-together focus. Weekly, not biannual... the rule, not the exception. Use the facility for what you need it for. Don't let it use you until you don't even know your family, your wife, your children. :((( How do we eliminate parental flakiness? Get rid of the babysitter (youth pastor) and parents get busy! If you need pastoral direction, put the family pastor in charge of desegregating the church and get the youth pastor in family pastor training. :))) Kudos to those of you who are already making changes! You obviously have my vote.
Want to see society change? Strap on your spiritual boots, turn the TV/video games off and get busy parents. I guarantee that America will become a lot less overweight, fast! :))) Lol, hahaha, come on out and do some martial arts together!
Want to see society change? Strap on your spiritual boots, turn the TV/video games off and get busy parents. I guarantee that America will become a lot less overweight, fast! :))) Lol, hahaha, come on out and do some martial arts together!
Amen!
Serving Him so I can know Him better :))) Isaiah 43:10
PRon
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